*****Ninja Rule # 32*****
Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Best ever game as a child: make sure the balloon does not touch the floor
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
Waking Up & Seeing You Still Have Time Left To Sleep
whats the difference between futurama and JLS.................................................................................................................................................................... there is only one bender in futurama
Spongebob: "What do you usually do when I'm gone?" Patrick: "Wait for you to come back."
Don't be afraid to use the word motherfu*ker at school...
Why? Well my dear friend..Just tell your teacher its a noun ;)
S.c.h.o.o.l = Six Crappy Hours Of Our Lives !
When a woman says "What" it's not because she didn't hear you - she is giving you a CHANCE to CHANGE what you just said!
When you're telling someone a really funny story, and when it finally ends they look at you like you're on crack and you're like "dude, you had to be there"
Girls are like apples. The best ones are at the top of the trees. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples that are on the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think there is something wrong with them,when,in reality,they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree
(_!_) regular arse
(__!__) fat arse
(!) tight arse
(_*_) sore arse
(_o_) well used arse
(_e=mc2_) smart arse
and the best one:
(_x_) kiss my arse
The hunt for Bin Laden diden't begin 2001. Learn some history. It began 1997.
Also, it matters little. Al Quida won't stop because of that, according to one of them they will detonate a bomb they've hidden somewhere in the West when Bin Laden dies. Either he was lying, or we should evacuate Copenhagen.
Kids at school keep teasing a girl because she is chubby. One day; she gets fed up so she says: I'm fat, and YOU'RE ugly. I can turn skinny in a month or two, but in a month or two you'll still be ugly. Like if you're against bullying.
There Should Be A 99p Coin
Whats up with him? "I think he's on his period" (:
I changed the name of my computer to "That Thang" so every month my computer asks "Do you want to back 'That Thang' up?"
Never apologize for what you feel. It's like saying sorry for being real.
Friends vs Best Friends:
You: Damn! I've forgot my lunch money...
Friend: Aww never mind, i'll buy you lunch...
Best Friend: Haha it's ok, you were getting fat anyway...
The lesbians next door asked me what I would like for my birthday.
I was quite surprised when they gave me a Rolex
It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said
I wanna watch.
Child; I'm running away! The next time you'll see my face ; it'll be on a milk carton! Dad; They only put your picture on a milk carton, if someone is actually looking for you.
When you log on to facebook and see 89 notifications, and 6 messages you know you've said something you shouldn't have.
the meaning of x's
x= friends
xx= close friends
xxx= i like you
xxxx= your cute
xxxxx= your hot
xxxxxx= i want you
xxxxxxx+ = i love you
no kisses = i hate you and i dont like your existance.
My f*cking neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am, do you believe that sh*t!? 2:30!!
Lucky for him I was still awake playing the drums...
Imagine if all retailers started making their own condoms & kept their own name...
Tesco Condoms "Every Little Helps"
Nike Condoms "Just do it"
Peugeot Condoms "The Ride of your Life"
KFC Condoms "Finger Lickin' Good"
Pringles Condoms "You Pop You Can't Stop"
Burger King Condoms "Home of the Whopper"
Andrex Condoms "Soft Strong & Very Long"
Mcdonald's Condoms "Im Lovin' it"
Polo Condoms "The One With The Hole.." OH F*CK!
When a package says "Easy Open" I end up using scissors, a knife, a gun and a lightsaber..
Friend:Dude,I wasn't that drunk.
Me:Dude,WHAT?!?!? You threw my hamster and saying "GO PIKACHU!!!"
Man kids of today... Crying just because their XBOX or PS3 overheated and got the red light of death...
Man when I was younger, and my console was broke, I used my initiative. I took the cartridge out, blew it and put it back.
Worked every time...