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When a woman says "What" it's not because she didn't hear you - she is giving you a CHANCE to CHANGE what you just said!
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Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Once you start to dislike someone. Everything they do begins to annoy you.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
What? Your girlfriend claims she never checks up on you on FaceBook? Just change your relationship status to single... then sit back and wait.
soldiers should get paid more than footballers.
it makes me so angry to think they don't.
soldiers: save our country and our lives.
footballers: kick a ball.
I use my phone as a flashlight, and hit random buttons to keep it lit. :)
Just asked my barber for a Justin Bieber hair cut...
F*cking A$$hole shaved off my pubes!!!
Maximum Respect for the British Armed Forces supporting the RBL
I noticed people adding the 2 dates together, the twin towers attack, and the earthquake in Japan. 9/11/2001 + 3/10/2011 = 12/21/2012? No it doesn't, it equals 12/21/4012. People need to stop with their stupid math. 2001 + 2011 never equaled 2012. You can't add 9 and 3, get 12, add 10 and 11, get 21, and then add 2001 and 2011, and get 2012. The correct answer is 4012.
What a major idiot for trying to make people believe 2011 + 2001 = 2012.
Daughter: Goodnight dad love you.
Dad: Love you to.
Son: Goodnight dad love you.
Dad: Son before you go to bed can i ask you something.
Dad: Are you f*cking gay.
I saw a warning label in a packet of razors that said "Warning, Do not use during an earthquake."
What the hell? "Oh sh*t an earthquake, let me go and shave my legs!"
Girl at 5:00AM
Put on makeup
And now it's 7:30 and time for school.
Guy at 7:00AM
Throws on clothes
combs half of hair
runs outside without backpack.
That moment when you have to pee in the middle of the night and you avoid all eye contact with yourself becuase, you think your going jump out the mirror and attack you.
DUDE: Your so far in the closet your in Narnia
OTHER DUDE: .... :P
DUDE: Btw, plz say hi to prince caspian for me
I hate it when your in your car listening to a random bad song and when your just about to get out, your favourite song comes up. LIKE IF U DO TOO xD
I like stomping on the ground next to bugs just to show them who's in charge and to make them appreciate life more.
I'm a teenager, I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't do any kinds of drugs, I'm not going out having s*x. My idea of fun is playing guitar, listening to music, and shooting guns, at targets. Whoever said that our generation is so terrible, please don't be so judgmental. Not all of us are bad, you guys just don't take the time to look for the right ones.
Sincerely, "good" kids.
Thank you phone, for letting me look at you in awkward situations
Don't be afraid to use the word motherfu*ker at school...
Why? Well my dear friend..Just tell your teacher its a noun ;)
I'm a typical teenage girl;
I complain about most things about me ( weight, looks, hair, etc.)
I go out to have fun, and not flirt with guys.
I get upset over things that shouldn't upset me.
I can take a joke, but only to a certain extent.
I don't take pictures of myself,half naked.
I swear, stress, bitch, get moody and annoy people.
I like a boy that doesn't like me back,but i cant get over him.
I'm sorry that I am not "Perfect" for you. :(
But honestly, I don't care what you think about us...
Remember me? I was your friend when you were single.
In order to succeed, your desire for success has to be greater than your fear of failure - Bill Cosby
Ha, I've just got an email off some guy in Africa. Apparently my great uncle in law who i never knew i had died and left me £2000000. All I've got to do to get it is send this guy £5000, as well as my name, address, and all my bank details, so he can sort it all out.
I'll be seeing you suckers later....
complete the sentence: i like ______ because once you ______ and then _______ and put the ________ in the _________ you get __________ and then you eat _______. :-)
"I g2g, bye!"
"No don't go, i want to talk to you, im in love with you, be mine?"
*Goes to Erase but presses Send instead.*
i CaNt BeLiVe YoU'Re ACtuAlLy ReADiNg tHiS... By tHe wAY im UsiNg CAps LOcK on RaNDoM LEtTErS jUSt to P*Ss yOU OfF!
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
**Types in password** 'Password incorrect' 'Huh?' **types it in again** 'Password incorrect' 'But that IS my password' **types it in again** 'Password incorrect** 'b**ch that IS my password! Im gonna throw this thing out the fu.... oh wait, caps lock.'
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