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When a woman says "What" it's not because she didn't hear you - she is giving you a CHANCE to CHANGE what you just said!
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Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Best ever game as a child: make sure the balloon does not touch the floor
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
Don't you hate it when you're just sitting down getting all comfy and then BOOM!!! A rainbow ninja unicorn decides to attack the living freak out of you!
Taking your phone out of your pocket a second before you get a text and feeling like God.
On you-tube when it says 'video not available in your country' whatt??? where do you think i am from?!! NARNIA !!
Ghetto Word of the Day: Innuendo
"He's climbing innuendo, he's snatching yo people up, so you better hide ya kids, hide ya wife..."
In 2011 i've said "i love you" and meant it
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
Being sarcastic and everyone thinks you are being serious..
I'm a teenager, I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't do any kinds of drugs, I'm not going out having s*x. My idea of fun is playing guitar, listening to music, and shooting guns, at targets. Whoever said that our generation is so terrible, please don't be so judgmental. Not all of us are bad, you guys just don't take the time to look for the right ones.
Sincerely, "good" kids.
Don't you just hate it when there's a van load of men with guns on their way to your house and the only weapon in the house to protect yourself is a screwdriver
Me: Your party was amazing last night
Friend: How can you remember... you were drunk most of the night...
Me: I wasn't that drunk...
Friend: Dude, you were stood in my fireplace yelling "Diagon Alley..."
I hate when I'm in my own world, staring at absolutely nothing, and then all of a sudden I realise that I have been staring at some other person for the past ten minutes...
Why is my plate hot and my food cold?
Q: What's the useless skin around a v*gina called?
A: The woman.
Don't be afraid to use the word motherfu*ker at school...
Why? Well my dear friend..Just tell your teacher its a noun ;)
Saying 'lol' more than once in a sentence
**** To all the 80's & 90's Kids ****
Who remembers having to crank the handle in a car to roll down the window?
People have it easy these days man...
I always look at your page.....because I miss you :'(
See that boy doing his homework in homeroom? He couldn’t do it last night because he was too busy talking his best friend out of suicide. See that girl, with her face caked in make up? She’s bullied, she needs to feel beautiful. See him, the one who wears long sleeves everyday? He covers his arms to hide the scars. See her, with the cheap, hand-me-down clothes? Her family can’t afford food for half the month, let alone get brand names. I'm against bullying. Like if you are too.
When ever I want to do something and my Mom doesn't agree, she always plays the "It's my house, my rules" card. But as soon as there is some cleaning that needs doing, she always flips it and it magically becomes my house too... FML.
I didn't fall.....I attacked the floor.
Don't you hate it when you're going through your news feed one last time before bed and you see a like page, so you click it.. then you spend the next two hours liking crap :p like if this has happened to you:)
Why do men fart more then women?
Because women never shut up long enough to build the required pressure...
Everyone wants happiness. No one wants pain. But you can't have a rainbow without a little rain...
You're not drunk, you've had one drink, so stop pretending.
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says "What the hell was that all about?"
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