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When a woman says "What" it's not because she didn't hear you - she is giving you a CHANCE to CHANGE what you just said!
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Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Once you start to dislike someone. Everything they do begins to annoy you.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
I always double check I've hung up on them before I start BlTCHING
Girls are like apples. The best ones are at the top of the trees. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples that are on the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think there is something wrong with them,when,in reality,they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree
*watches paranormal shows*
You: This isn't scary at all.
You: *laying in bed awake frightened by every little noise.*
Hi I'm a girl.
I like COD, I'll happily watch you play, try and learn the game to play with you, and not pressure you to give it up to spend time with me.
I like to watch football.
I prefer having a laugh over shopping.
I want to wear your hoodie, and feel special.
I don't want to be bought 2894372 gifts a week.
I don't need to be told I love you every second of the day.
I don't want you to stop spending time with your friends.
I might not be perfect, but neither are you.
**** Things that make you go hmmmm? ****
Who else ever wonders if a camel ever looks down at his toe and says "Gee, that looks like a V*gina..."
The best way to avoid disappointment is to not expect anything from anyone
There was 3 ladies on an island 1 blonde 1 brunette and a red-head. The city where they wanted to be was 20 miles away with sea between the the island and the city. The red-head swam 4 miles and drowned of exhaustion, the brunette sawm 10 miles and drowned of exhaustion, the blonde swam 19 miles, got tired, and swam back!!
You know that when Tommy from the Rugrats takes his screwdriver out, sh*t is about to go down...
I am requesting a pay due to the following reasons;
1. I do a lot of physical labour.
2. I work at great depths.
3. I plunge head first into everything that I do.
4. I work weekdays & nights, weekends and holidays.
5. I work in damp, dark and enclosed spaces.
6. My work makes me very prone to diseases.
After long consideration, I am going to decline your request for a pay rise for the following reasons;
1. Your shifts only ever seem to be about 10 minutes long
2. You fall asleep after each shift.
3. You always have to be simulated, you never seem to be self motivated.
4. You are unable to work overtime or double shifts.
5. You work place is always messy at the end of your shift.
6. You have been constantly been seen entering and exiting the work place with to small, suspicious looking bags.
A million feelings, a thousand thoughts, and hundreds of memories just for one person... Man life is complicated at times...
That awkward moment when a flat chested girl says "aww i was off my tits last night!"
I hate it when i see a fat chick drinking diet pepsi, then think they can eat anything, cause they saved like 200 calories.
If Google can't find it, you're screwed.
I love it when someone logs on to facebook on your laptop and you pretend to say you logged out and then you read everything like who they're talking to and you find out stuff you didn't even know about them.
The best kinds of laughter:
1. Laughing so hard that your laugh becomes silent.
2. Laughing so hard that you feel a six pack coming on.
3. Laughing so hard that tears start coming out.
Even if i was home alone for six hours, my tv didnt work, computer was broken, phone wasnt charged and i lost the charger... I STILL wouldn't do my homework!
wjfsklfjsmljdmgkfnfgdfsghfdjkghzena, EEEEEH MACARENA! :D
"And i was like f*ck you.'" "Did you say that!?" "Nah, but i thought it.."
The awkward moment when you ask your best friend whether they are attending the party of the year that all the popular people are going to and they reply with "What Party?"
Sneaking food into the cinemas.. $4 for a pack of skittles my A$$!
You can make anything work if you really want it to.
Facebook is like a refrigerator. You get bored and keep checking, but nothing ever changes.
Boy: Make me a sandwich.
like if you cried...
Guess what? she's one of my best friends. and i don't care if you weigh twice as much as me and are a foot taller; if you break her heart I'll break your face. :)
I hate it when I originally pick the right answer and then change it
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