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When a woman says "What" it's not because she didn't hear you - she is giving you a CHANCE to CHANGE what you just said!
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Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Once you start to dislike someone. Everything they do begins to annoy you.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
That mini heart attack when you slip on ice and your life flashes before your eyes, but then luckily you don't fall.
What's the hardest past about getting a new computer?
Debating whether to start the p*rn = virus cycle again...
The awkward moment when you are trying to kill a spider and your lose track of it and you become a victim in your own home...
Shes my best friend of course im going to tell her everything you just said
R.I.P. Comment Button.
A boy makes his girls jealous of other women....
A gentleman makes other women jealous of his girl...
Treat Your Chick Right!
Harry: I can talk to snakes
Ron: Yeah well Dumbledore gave me his magic lighter
Harry: I have an invisibility cloak
Ron: I have parents
Harry: I banged your sister
The awkward moment when your gym teacher is fatter than you....
"No, how about YOU run 1 mile in under 8 minutes..."
Almost sneezing, making that face, not sneezing, and looking like an idiot
"age is just a number." "yeah, so is 911 you paedophile."
There's nothing more attractive than a guy, who doesn't know he's attractive...
Staying in the bathroom longer because of your phone...
I hate when my Mom takes me super boring, then just as we are about to leave, the "Goodbyes" turn into small talk and we end up staying there another hour...
Find the sad face! :):):):):):):):):):):): like if you found it!
My pokemon brings all the nerds to the yard, and they're like 'Wanna trade cards?' Damn right, I wanna trade cards. I'll trade this, but not my charizard...
No Mom, It doesnt matter whether I go to bed at 9:00pm Or 2:00am When I wake up tomorrow at 6am I'll be tired either way.
When you're a fast texter, two minutes is a long time to wait for a reply.
Dwayne Johnson, you will always be 'The Rock' in my heart.
Be careful who you open up to. only a few people actually care, the rest are just curious.
I'm tired of girls complaining that theres no good guys left...hello..we are where you left us, IN THE FRIEND ZONE.
Wife: Truth or Dare?
Husband: Urm... Truth...
Wife: Have you ever cheated on me?
Husband: OK, I choose dare...
i'd catch a grenade for ya......lol jk, i'd press r2 and throw it back :D
Trying to feel for your phone, and panicking when you can't feel it.
It takes 134 minutes active s*x to burn all the calories from a bag of crisps. I just ate five bags, what are you doing tonight?!
Sea levels aren't rising due to global warming. They are rising due to the increase in obesity. The continents are actually sinking...
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