Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Once you start to dislike someone. Everything they do begins to annoy you.
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
"Oh cool its bendable!", *SNAP* "never mind"
How many reposts can a reposter post if a reposter could repost posts?
If you watch Harry potter backwards it's a whole 7 flims of a guy who think's he's a wizard, but in the last one, a giant comes and tells him he's not, so he becomes suicidal and locks himself under the stairs.
Life is like a bowl of soup...
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You only get blown if you're hot...
Don't you just love how when women are called sluts for wearing semi-low tops, men aren't criticized when they wear no shirts and show their underwear to the rest of the world?
If the Bell doesn't dismiss me then the Bell doesn't decide when I arrive.
Hello Justin Bieber. I want to play a game. Throughout the years you have soiled the meaning of good music. There? will be consequences. The device attached to your abdomen will trigger in 75 seconds, sending a metal bar up your ass. Your chances at surviving is the key located in your ashophogus, inside your lungs, the very lungs that have soiled the ears of the innocent. How much blood will you sacrifice to continue? your life? The choice is yours. Let the game begin.
Dont you just hate it when you can do somthing once then somone asks you to do it again but cant the second time!
That awkward moment when you was thinking about something great exciting and then you forget it in the next two seconds like WTF was i thinking about
Boy: Want to hear a joke about my cock? Actually never mind, its to long.
Girl: Want to hear a joke about my vagina? Actually never mind, you wont get it :)
Mother's day:
English kid: Here mum, I made you a card and breakfast!
German kid: Heir mum, I made you some Bratwursts!
Chinese kid: Here mum, I made you an Ipod!
That awkward moment when your going through a MINGERS photos and you see loads of comments from her friends saying "stunning bbz" and "your such a stunner"
I THINK FACEBOOK NEEDS A "NOBODY CARES' BUTTON
I'm not sad that Osama Bin Laden is dead, I'm just sad to see so many people hatefully celebrating it, saying 'go to hell, do not RIP'. No one should be happy for the taking of someone's life, no matter how terrible or murderous they are. Death should never be celebrated, no exceptions. Never.
LMAO Joke... :P
Water has a taste you just can't explain. Life this if you agree :)
It looked warm, juicy, and inviting, but I wasn't sure what I wanted to do to it. So I carefully pulled it open with my fingers to get a better look, even though I knew it would be amazing if I just ate it. But first I decided to put ketchup on my burger.
3 Facts About Animals That You Probably Didn't Know:
1. See turtles can weigh up to 300 pounds and can live up to 500 years.
2. The only time a humming birds stops flying is to nest. That means they fly when they eat, when the relieve themselves and even when they mate. (Can you imaging having s*x while running?)
3. One type of jellyfish, the Nakato, is immortal which means they live forever. The only way they can die is from disease or from being killed.
Make-up can make you look pretty on the outside, but it can't help if you are ugly on the inside...
R.I.P. Comment Button.
I refuse to bungee jump. I came into this world because of broken rubber and I don't want to leave by the same way...
Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat. - Mother Teresa
2pac of Eminems are 50 Cent. That's Ludacris! I Want my Nickleback...
I am NOT waking up until my alarm goes off, even if there is 1 min left!
Time spent → in the shower;
25% -- Daydreaming.
25% -- Building up courage to turn off water and step into cold air.
20% -- Turing in a circle to maintain even hot water distribution.
10% -- Catching water in your mouth and spitting it out.
10% -- Contemplating the hardest decisions of life.
7% -- Washing hair.
3% -- Washing other body parts.
Who in the hell came up with milking a cow...... Likw, what was going through that guys brain? And why on earth did he drink it?