People can become vampires in 3 easy steps:
Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Damn! LOL - Your #1 source for daily funny pics!
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
when i get a notification saying my best mate has tagged me in a photo i always think too myself SH*T!!!!
"age is just a number." "yeah, so is 911 you paedophile."
S[he]'s bro[ok]en be[cause] s[he] be[lied]ve[d]
Take me as I am, or watch me as I go.
A man and wife were driving down the road after having an argument, and neither one wanted to admit they were wrong. So when the man drives past a farm and sees a group of pigs, he asks his wife "Relatives of yours?" To this, the wife replies "Yep. In-laws."
They need to make bigger Capri Suns. I'm not 7 years old anymore. I am a teenager with some hard f●●king thirst.
All i'm saying, is 6.5 fl. oz. doesn't cut it anymore.
Did you know that the names of the characters in Inception are:
D = Dom
R = Robert
E = Eames
A = Arthur
M = MAl
S = Saito
Your Mind = Inceptionally Blown
Girls Comes in the Class room,
Teacher:Emily, Why on earth are you this late to school?
Emily, I was blowing bubbles sir,
Teacher: Fine then go and sit down
Another girl come into the classroom
Teacher:Trisha, Why on earth are you this late to school?
Trisha: Bubbles was inside me sir,
Teacher: Ok then go and sit down
New boy comes in
Teacher: AND I SUPPOSE YOU WERE BLOWING BUBBLES OR SOMTHING LIKE THAT...?
New boy: No sir, I am bubbles
Teacher: Oh....
Being sarcastic and everyone thinks you are being serious..
Dear Students, I know when you're texting in class. Seriously, no one just looks down at their crotch and smiles every five minutes.
Sincerely, Teacher.
My mums so old fashioned, she thinks LOL means lots of love, one day she sent me a text saying "Grandmas died LOL"
Talking complete bollocks to taxi drivers when smashed
There's a new Facebook group called "All boys should take a compulsory GCSE in 'How to treat a female."
Lesson 1: the backhander...
If women ruled the world. There'd be no wars, no mass killing of the innocent. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to one another.
That awkward moment;
When you're in the car, and you look at the people in the
car next to you, and they're already looking at you.
Hey, does anyone else think that Spongebob and Patrick are secretly dating?
I named my iPod 'Titanic' so when I enter it in iTunes it says 'Syncing Titanic' and I feel like a H E R O when I press 'Cancel'
At 3 yrs old we say: "Mommy, I love you".
At 10: "Mom whatever!"
At 16: "My mom is so annoying"!
At 18: "I wanna leave this house".
At 25: "Mom, you were right".
At 30: "I wanna go back to my Mom's house".
At 50: "I don't wanna lose my Mom".
At 70: "I would give up EVERYTHING for my Mom to be here with me". You only have one Mom.
Like this if you couldn't live without your mom ♥
I ignore texts. I let the phone ring. I log off of Facebook chat. Its nothing personal, but people need to realize that sometimes I just dont want to talk.
As we grow up, we don't lose friends, we just learn who the real ones are
Hello Justin Bieber. I want to play a game. Throughout the years you have soiled the meaning of good music. There will be consequences. The device attached to your abdomen will trigger in 75 seconds, sending a metal bar up your ass. Your chances at surviving is the key located in your ashophogus, inside your lungs, the very lungs that have soiled the ears of the innocent. How much blood will you sacrifice to continue your life? The choice is yours. Let the game begin
All the world leaders have hinted that there might be a bank holiday to mark Osama Bin Ladens death...
So, all together now
We're all going on Osama holiday...
*** I bet you do this! ****
Oh, so you take 15 minutes to text me back! Fine im going to take 20 b*tch!
Let's see how you like it...
That awkward moment when you throw your phone because you’re angry, then get freaked out that it might be broken & wonder why you threw it.
Dear Public Toilets,
Toilet paper holders should turn loosely. Nobody wants to wipe their a$$ with a bunch of confetti.
Sincerely,
I hate getting it on my hands.