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People can become vampires in 3 easy steps:
1) Spill glue on the floor
2) Throw a bunch of glitter on top (glitter/SPARKLES - its your choice)
3) Roll around in it
Like, if you get it ;)
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Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Edward: "I could kill you in seconds. So shutup."
Jacob: "What are you gonna do exactly? Sparkle me to death?!"
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
Getting in to bed,
Favourite pillow *Check*
One leg out of covers *Check*
Phone? *Feels Around*
Kick cover to try and find phone *Phone flies in to the wall and the battery falls out...*
My wife and I both made a list of 5 people we could sleep with…she read hers out and there were no surprises…1 George Clooney…2 Brad Pitt etc…I thought ‘Ive got the better deal here’…1 Your sister
A survey was taken to find out why guys love oral s*x so much...
3% said the warmth.
4% said the sensation.
93% said the silence.
TEACHERS CALL IT CHEATING. WE CALL IT TEAMWORK. :))
That awkward moment when you are in the shower and you let one rip... At first it is ok, but then after a few minutes your shower turns into a gas chamber...
Your SO hot.. How are you single? Oh Yeah. Your a idiot.
Can I pretty please keep you forever? :')
Boy: Will you go out with me?
Girl: Omg, YES!
Girl: Can you please take me home?
Boy: Why, you didn't change your mind, did you?
Girl, No, I just wanna change my relationship status to In a Relationship on Facebook.
It's my house so I'm player 1....
Blueberry And Apple Blast My Bedazzled Buds With Blindingly Brilliant Bursts Of Bewitching Bliss !!!
Then: "...and do you speak any languages?"
Me: Yes, I speak the truth, that seems to be a foreign language to everyone that I meet.
Take This Quiz:
1) F_ _ K
6) _ _NDOM
Answers: 1)Fork, 2)Pulse, 3)Six, 4)Pants, 5)Books, 6)Random
~Hey hey..., what were you thinking...?! ;D~
Guess what, I was walking down the road the other day when this hot woman shouted across the road "You are sexy! I want you" and then she flashed her b00bs at me! Honest! if you don't believe me then ask Brad Pitt, he was right behind me...
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep....not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
I don't know about you but, I'm pretty sure that there is one really, really small spot on my back that has never, ever been washed.... Ever
HOT SURFACE, DO NOT TOUCH! "Hmmmm, I wonder how hot is hot"………..AHHH!!
No matter how old or young you are, whether you are male or female, when you see a bubble near you, you will try your hardest to try and catch it...
Running for the laptop charger like its the end of the world!
Wife: Truth or Dare?
Husband: Urm... Truth...
Wife: Have you ever cheated on me?
Husband: OK, I choose dare...
Kids at school keep teasing a girl because she is chubby. One day; she gets fed up so she says: I'm fat, and YOU'RE ugly. I can turn skinny in a month or two, but in a month or two you'll still be ugly. Like if you're against bullying.
Student: Sir, can i got to the bathroom?
Teacher: No it can wait
Student: No. i NEED to go to the bathroom...
Teacher: No! now sit down.
Student: DO YOU WANT ME TO BLEED ON YOUR SEAT?!
Yes, my status is aimed at you. Bastard.
Mexican Word of the Day: July.
You told me ju would call and july to me!!
I put my phone on aeroplane mode and threw it into the air....
WORST. TRANSFORMER. EVER!
I don't know what's up with my girlfriend. This morning she said she is leaving me because she thinks I am obsessed with Call Of Duty. Don't worry though, she won't get very far, I put a claymore by the door.
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