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People can become vampires in 3 easy steps:
1) Spill glue on the floor
2) Throw a bunch of glitter on top (glitter/SPARKLES - its your choice)
3) Roll around in it
Like, if you get it ;)
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Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Best ever game as a child: make sure the balloon does not touch the floor
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
Girls: it's funny how guys try to convince us that they are different, because honestly, the only different i see... >> are their names
You live in the bottom of a bikini, Your boss is Mr Krabs and you're absorbent.
So we have come to the conclusion that you must be a tampon.
Chocolate chip cookies
Spongebob: i thought of something funnier than 24.
Patrick:let me hear it.
There are X kinds of people on Facebook...
The ones who like everything
The ones who update their status 300 times a day
The ones who are never online
The ones who only use it for Facebook games (FrontierVille, etc)
The ones who have hundreds of friends they don't really know
Like if you have Facebook friends who belong to these groups...
There are 5 kinds of guys out there:
70% of guys are great friends, but will not be great boyfriends
20% of guys are bad.
5% of guys are gays.
4% of guys are geeks.
Like if you are the 1% that will always love, tender your Gf or wife and kindhearted, pure person.
Then: "...and do you speak any languages?"
Me: Yes, I speak the truth, that seems to be a foreign language to everyone that I meet.
I'm the girl your ex will hate, your mother will love, and the girl you'll want to be with forever ♥
I don't like you. So, I am going to buy you a kitten. Then I am going to wait till you fall in love with that kitten. Then I am going to sneak into your house one night and... punch you in the face.
When faced with two choices, always flip a coin. Not because it will make the decision for you, but because when the coin is in the air, you will suddenly realise what you are hoping for.
I hate it when your trying to be serious, but then you accidently smile :)
Sandy: "...land on your bottom."
Spongebob: "Like this?"
Patrick: "No, your other bottom"
Sandy: "Don't you have to be stupid somewhere else?"
Patrick: "Nope. Not until 4..."
Screw Osama, I'm better at hide and seek than him. They still haven't found me yet...
**** Things that make you go hmmmm? ****
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, then why have they got locks on the doors?...
"WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!"... Well you, obviously.
*texting in class*
Teacher: OI YOU! ARE YOU TEXTING IN CLASS AGAIN?!
Student: no..I just randomly look down at my d*ck and start smiling.
I love it when you turn me on.
Right away you start touching every inch of my body.
It feels so good, you make me all hot and wet...
I love the shower.
What were you thinking?
*I walk into the classroom with a jacket on*
teacher: take that jacket off NOW!! they are against school rules
me: OMG, I am so sorry! Is anyone hurt? no? ok....I'll just slowly remove this extremely hazardous jacket....off of my torso....and slowly freeze to death.....
me:but miss, why are you wearing a jacket?
teacher: because it's cold an-
me:EVERYONE GET DOWN! SHE'S GOT A JACKET!
*class gets down and screams in fear*
(like this if your school also has retarded rules made by hitler)
Why did the iPhone cross the road?
Nobody knows, It doesn't get reception over their either...
Welcome to our society. You will be judged on what you wear, which music you listen to, what you look like, how you act, who you hang around with, and on practically every other personal trait and imperfection about you, and you'll be made fun of for being who you are. Enjoy your stay.
Like if you think that Charlie sheen should not be replaced an two and half man!!
What if our dreams are just blurred memories of our previous lives...
"Are you home?" "No... I just picked up my house phone from Burger King..."
you complain about us playing COD. You make silly pages about the 'perfect' boy. You act as if we're complete anal holes. When, we're not. We want to be loved, just like you do. We want the perfect girl, just as much as you. And if you're that upset about us not making an effort with you because we'd rather play COD, YOU make the effort for once and come play COD with us. Don't act as if we're the bad ones all the time, there takes two to make a relationship.
I Hate When I Wake Up And Realise My Dream Wasn't Real.
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