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People can become vampires in 3 easy steps:
1) Spill glue on the floor
2) Throw a bunch of glitter on top (glitter/SPARKLES - its your choice)
3) Roll around in it
Like, if you get it ;)
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Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Best ever game as a child: make sure the balloon does not touch the floor
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
Like if you remember eating theese bad boys!!!
Even if i was home alone for six hours, my tv didnt work, computer was broken, phone wasnt charged and i lost the charger... I STILL wouldn't do my homework!
Like this if you've ever...
Sat in your car staring out the window, wishing that the next car that comes up has a hot guy staring back at you
If you woke up in the middle of the night and no one was home but you and you heard a fart, would you be scared or would you laugh?
Phew. Thank you warning label, I was just about to use my shiny new hair dryer while i'm in the shower... What a mistake that would of been..
That HILARIOUS moment when Justin Bieber realizes that no matter WHO he brings in to sing with him he's not going to get any less gay or any better.
Round of drinks: $23.00
Lap Dance: $30.00
Another Round of Drinks: $23.00
Couch Dance: $50.00
A Round Of Shots: $34.00
Private Dance in Hotel Room: $300.00
Being able to send her on her way and never having to hear her complain, priceless...
Rappers get money, from rapping about how they get money from rapping, by rapping about it...
Phoning a friend to let them know that you are outside their house instead of knocking.
THE TOP TEN REASONS TRICK-OR-TREATING IS BETTER THAN S*X
Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
You don't have to compliment the person who gave you candy.
Person you're with doesn't fantasize you're someone else.
If you get a stomach ache, it won't last 9 months.
If you wear your Batman mask, no one thinks you're kinky.
Doesn't matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
Less guilt the next morning.
IF YOU DON'T GET WHAT YOU WANT,YOU CAN ALWAYS GO NEXT DOOR!
A boy walks into kitchen to find parents having s*x, the dad looks at the boy and winks. that night the father finds the boy in his bedroom having s*x with his nana, the boy rolls over, winks and says "not so funny when it's your mum is it"
How many reposts can a reposter post if a reposter could repost posts?
Pokemon: Because the concept of going around and beating wild creatures unconscious then enslaving them so they can fight just for your amusement is such a good thing to teach children,
Sometimes when you are hurt, no one cares.
Sometimes when you are sad, no one see's.
Sometimes when you cry, no one looks.
But when your fart one time, Everyone notices!
The only thing i can think of is .............. SEX !!!!!!
In America, kids shut their eyes slightly and say "Haha me Chinese, I like tofu. Me kwan do ee fah!"
In China kids open their eyes as wide as they can and say "Heeeeey I'm American. I'm fat and I like hamburgers! Nom nom nom nom nom..."
Boy- "Nothing, you?"
Girl- "Me too."
*End of conversation. Like if this happens to you*
Dear Mom and Dad,
Please don't freak out if I don't answer my phone the first time. The chances of the battery being dead are much greater than the chances that I've been abducted and murdered by a serial killer.
Sincerely, 35 missed calls.
Spongebob: i thought of something funnier than 24.
Patrick:let me hear it.
Two blondes fall down a pit.
First Blonde: "It's dark in here isn't it..."
Second Blonde: "I don't know, I can't see..."
Today, it's my birthday. My parents, whom I live with, told me that they did not get me anything, but instead they said they would knock off a bit of the housekeeping I owe them.
Squidward: Stop it Patrick, I'm claustrophobic.
Patrick: What does that mean?
Spongebob: It means he is scared of Santa Clause.
Patrick: HO HO HO!
Spongebob: Stop it Patrick, you are scaring him...
My girlfriend invited me to her house, I found her sister alone in the house, she was unbelievably sexy, she whispered in my ear, "i have feelings for you, shall we have s*x" , I immediately turned around and walked to the front door to go to my car, I found my girlfriend standing there, she hugged me and said: "you've won my trust"... Moral of the story: always keep your condoms in the car
Yelling someone's name then realising its a stranger.....awkward...=X
In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that I am right.
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