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People can become vampires in 3 easy steps:
1) Spill glue on the floor
2) Throw a bunch of glitter on top (glitter/SPARKLES - its your choice)
3) Roll around in it
Like, if you get it ;)
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Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Best ever game as a child: make sure the balloon does not touch the floor
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
That awkward moment when you are on a bouncy castle and you fall down and the other b*tches on there wont stop jumping so you can't get back up...
By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you deleted and blocked. You may now kiss my ass!
Fall in love with someone who deserves your heart. Not someone who plays with it.
10 signs that you know your falling in love
1. You get jelouse when he talks to other girls
2. Cant stop thinking about him
3. You smile every time your around him
4. You never wanna stop talking to him
5. You always wanna be around him
6. You get butterflys whenever you talk to him.
7. You never want to leave him
8. Alwys talk to your friends about him
9. You fantisise about hm
10. This whole time youve been thinkng about 1 certain person :)
**** Before everyone had a phone ****
Friend: Hey what's the time?
You: Time you got a watch!
2pac of Eminems are 50 Cent. That's Ludacris! I Want my Nickleback...
Watching Dora the Explorer* Dora: Can you see Swiper? Preschool: He's right there! Middle School: This is stupid. High School: DORA! DORA! HE'S RIGHT THERE!! DON'T LET HIM SWIPE YOUR THINGS!! AHHH! NOOOO!
Phoning a friend to let them know that you are outside their house instead of knocking.
I put my phone on aeroplane mode and threw it into the air....
WORST. TRANSFORMER. EVER!
I got ice in my vains,blood in my eyes,hate in my heart,love in my mind, i see nites full of pain,days of the same,so u keep the shunshine,save me the rain
dad:Heyy baby cant wait for tonight
daughter: What are we doing?
dad: I told you after i get off work we could do it.
daughter: EWWWWW DAD NOOOO
dad:That was for your mother
daughter:Oh okay. thank god.
daughter:wait mom doesnt have a cell phone
Am i the only one that feels like a bad a$$ when I walk outside after watching an action film at the cinema's and I pretend like I was one of the main characters in that film?
I'm just waiting for that amazing day..when EMINEM gets pissed..and insults JUSTIN BIEBER lyrically on one of his songs.
Ypu just got good luck for 24hrs by reading this 'Like'. Keep it going and click the 'Like' button to spread good luck to all your friends.
A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decides to test it at dinner.
DAD: Son, where were you today during school hours?
SON: At school
*Robot slaps Son*
SON: OK, I went to the movies.
DAD: Which one?
SON: Toy Story
*Robot slaps son again*
SON: OK, it was Day with a Porn Star.
DAD: WHAT? When I was your age I didn't even know what porn was!
*Robot slaps Dad*
MOM: HAHA! After all he's your son.
*Robot slaps mom*
My wife hates me when I bringing movie quotes into real life. Last night while we were having s*x, I kept saying "Autobots Transform" when ever we changed position.
My girl friend asked me the other day what I wanted for my birthday. I replied, "An*l S*x." She said "Don't be silly, I mean something that I can buy..."
So I replied with, "Ok, An*l s*x, with a prostitute..."
According to my emails, I have been selected by the princess of Ethiopia to inherit all her money.
Someone's going to be rich.....
I go to party's, so I'm an alcoholic.
Some of my shirts are cleavagy, so I'm a slut.
I wear make-up and straighten my hair, so I'm fake.
I sometimes make innapropriate jokes, so I'm trashy.
I'm still buddies with some of my girl friends exes, so I'm a backstabber.
I cry, so I'm emotional.
I speak my mind, so I'm a bitch.
I wear some clothes that are out of style, and sometimes just throw my hair in a ponytail, so I'm ugly.
So I guess I should be a nun.
No wait, then I'd be boring.
We are writing to inform you that.... We Win and you suck.
Lovefilm & Netflix.
Stupid Law #65: Did you know that America is the only country in the world where not wearing your seatbelt carries a greater penalty then murdering your children...
I ♥ THE WEEKEND
**** What did the lion say to the octopus? ****
Nothing, lions can't speak. And even if they could, the chances of a lion meeting an octopus are very slim...
A kid walking down the street see's the word "F*cked"
He goes home and asks his mum what f*cked means, She says "It means Getting Dressed dear"
Then he goes outside and someone yells "Shit"
He goes home and asks his mum what shit means, She says "It means Food dear"
Then dad comes home and says:
Dad: "Hey son"
Kid: "Hey dad, the shits on the table and mums upstairs getting f*cked"
Like if you get it ;)
DA SADST STRY EVUR!!!
girl: do u luv mi??? iv u dnt i gun dy
Boy: I can't understand you, what are you trying to say?.
girl: omg y yuu nar luv mi?!?! mi bcum ded
Boy: I don't even...
girl: :(( (dyez)
Boy: ...The f*ck?
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