Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Damn! LOL - Your #1 source for daily funny pics!
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
Dear Facebook can we have a dislike button for things like America, Miley Cyrus, Justin Beiber And That Friggin Wannabe Rebecca Black
Thanks!
Facebook Users
Spread the fail whale
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Sunny days
Grandpa Joe From Charlie & The Chocolate Factory = Scrounging B*stard.
20 Years he was in that bed, and as soon as a golden ticket comes along... "Oh actually I can walk, and I can dance around and hop and stuff..."
You're sitting at home alone at 10 O'clock at night, and you hear a knock on the door.
90% would answer the door.
I'm one of the 10% that runs and hides in terror expecting it's someone there to kill me..
You can do three things in life:
1. Make Stuff Happen
2. Watch Stuff Happen
3. Or Wonder what the f*ck has just happened...
I hate when I can't find the words for what I want to search for on Google.
** On Google **
"That thing with the moustache that looks like a dragon on a skateboard."
When those "Cruelty to Animals" adverts come on the TV, I force my dogs to sit and watch just so they know how lucky they are. Spoilt Brats...
Their were 2 women in heaven they were talking about how they got there...
woman 1: how did you get here then?...
woman 2: I froze to death
woman 1: awww what a shame...
woman 2: what happened to you?
woman 1: i thought my husband was cheating on me so i came home and searched everywhere under the beds, in the closets but couldn't find anyone, i got so stressed out i had a heart attack and died...
woman 2: well if you had checked in the freezer we both wouldnt be here!
If Bin Laden had of spent more time playing COD he would of realized camping can only last for so long...
Kelso: I'm gonna grow a beard...
Fez: May I grow a beard too?
Kelso: I don't know Fez, the two of us growing a beard together... isn't that kinda girlie?...
I Think i May Have A "Become a Fan" Problem
Dear Public Toilets,
Toilet paper holders should turn loosely. Nobody wants to wipe their a$$ with a bunch of confetti.
Sincerely,
I hate getting it on my hands.
"No friends in common" "So that's a 'no' to Mujhammad".
The awkward moment when your getting changed for swimming in PE and you knock someone out with your d*ck.
That HILARIOUS moment when Justin Bieber realizes that no matter WHO he brings in to sing with him he's not going to get any less gay or any better.
Horror Movies can scar you for life:
Somebody knocks on your door late at night - The Strangers
You think you see something in a mirror - Mirrors
You see a balloon randomly float about your street - I.T
You think you see a shark fin in the sea when its a log - Jaws
Your in an elevator with strangers and it suddenly stops - Devil
Your alone in a subway late at night - Creep
Lets be honest, you all have visualised a bad guy committing a crime and you are the bad-ass that saves the day...
If you think it is necessary to judge me by my past, then don't get angry when I decide to leave your sorry A$$ there...
"Clean your room, family are coming over." "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realise the gathering would be held in my bedroom."
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I have a knife,
Get in the van...I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
the 'because you love me' excuse
You can be the prince and I can be your princess..
You can be the sweet tooth and I can be the dentist..
You can be the shoes and I can be the laces..
You can be the heart that I spill on the pages..
You can be the vodka and I can be the chaser..
You can be the pencil and I can be the paper..
You can be as cold as the winter weather..
But I don't care as long as were together..
Who else has dreams where you end up in a fight and when you punch someone with all your might it doesn't even do anything.