Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Damn! LOL - Your #1 source for daily funny pics!
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
At 3 yrs old we say: "Mommy, I love you".
At 10: "Mom whatever!"
At 16: "My mom is so annoying"!
At 18: "I wanna leave this house".
At 25: "Mom, you were right".
At 30: "I wanna go back to my Mom's house".
At 50: "I don't wanna lose my Mom".
At 70: "I would give up EVERYTHING for my Mom to be here with me". You only have one Mom.
Like this if you couldn't live without your mom ♥
All these kids are always taking advantage of their parents. Im 14.. and to be HONEST; id rather watch a movie with my dad then go to a party. Id rather go shopping with my mom than with my friends. NOT because I'm anti-social, but because i know that one day, i will regret not spending as much time with them.
When life hands you lemons............ DEMAND Tequila and Salt!!!!!!
Partying
Thank you phone, for letting me look at you in awkward situations
Charging your phone for 5 minutes before you leave because you think it will make a difference.
My Life Needs A Edit Button
**** Definition Of Disappointment ****
Running into a wall with a boner and hitting your nose first...
I wish friends were like money; so you could hold them up to the light to find out which ones were real and which ones are fake.
As we grow up, we don't lose friends, we just learn who the real ones are
So I asked my friend what his craziest s*x position was and he replied "Well, It takes a man to swim through the river when it's flowing red, but it takes a hero to drink from it"
Most disgusting thing I have ever heard.
I had s*x with my girlfriend last night. It was going pretty good, except the entire time she was screaming someone elses name... Anyone know who rape is?
When i say LOL, i don't literally mean i laughed out loud. What i actually mean is that I made a loud outward breath through my nostrils, similar to a bull.
Don't poke people on facebook.
Poking leads to commenting.Commenting leads to talking on chat. Talking on chat leads to inboxing. Inboxing leads to meeting up. Meeting up leads to going out. Going out leads to s*x. S*x leads to babys.
So unless you want to have babys, don't poke people.
Does
^Anyone
^^Realise
^^^That
^^^^In
^^^^^These
^^^^^^Kind
^^^^^^^Of
^^^^^^^^Likes
^^^^^^^^^The
^^^^^^^^^^Arrows
^^^^^^^^^^^Look
^^^^^^^^^^^^Like
^^^^^^^^^^^^^Half
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Of
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^A
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Christmas
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Tree?!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Realize*
^^^^^^^^ an i just killed ur christmas tree:) asshole! ;D
^^^^^^^^ No, You started the trunk! ASSHOLE! ;D
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ I ruined your trunk! :D
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Or it's just grass
Popsicle Stick - $1
Caramel - $3
Onions - $4
Watching your friends biting into a caramel onion thinking it's an apple - Priceless
I ignore texts. I let the phone ring. I log off of Facebook chat. Its nothing personal, but people need to realize that sometimes I just dont want to talk.
There was 3 ladies on an island 1 blonde 1 brunette and a red-head. The city where they wanted to be was 20 miles away with sea between the the island and the city. The red-head swam 4 miles and drowned of exhaustion, the brunette sawm 10 miles and drowned of exhaustion, the blonde swam 19 miles, got tired, and swam back!!
If guys had periods, all they would do is brag about the size of their tampons...
I may not be perfect, but I'm always me.
There are the normal boobs ( . )( . ), the silicone boobs ( + )( + ), the perfect boobs (o)(o). Some boobs are cold (^)(^), and some boobs belong to grandmothers ././ And let’s not forget the very large boobs (o Y o), and the very small boobs (.)(.), and lastly the asymmetrical boobs (•)(.) We love them all!
Wife: Truth or Dare?
Husband: Urm... Truth...
Wife: Have you ever cheated on me?
Husband: OK, I choose dare...
What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods?
Santa stops at 3 hoes.
1/1/11, 11/1/11, 1/11/11, 11/11/11 All In ONE Year! ♥
I want to be the girl he's scared to lose; the one where he can't walk away from knowing she's mad at him, The one who can't fall asleep without her voice being the last one he hears. the one he can't live without