Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Best ever game as a child: make sure the balloon does not touch the floor
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
Yeah, that sounded a lot better in my head.
Ghetto Word of the Day: Innuendo
"He's climbing innuendo, he's snatching yo people up, so you better hide ya kids, hide ya wife..."
Dear America,
Since you released upon us the horror that is Miley Cyrus, we have decided to retaliate.
Its name is Justin Bieber and no-one will be spared.
Yours faithfully,
Canada.
When those "Cruelty to Animals" adverts come on the TV, I force my dogs to sit and watch just so they know how lucky they are. Spoilt Brats...
"I'm on my way" LOL jk, I'm still doing my hair
Mom, my friends dont care if my room is messy. They just care if we have food.
Staring at a text for 5 minutes trying to figure out how to reply while secretly thinking, damn it's a good thing we aren't talking face to face, I'd be screwed.
Women are a bit like parking spaces. Normally all the best ones are taken so every now and again, when no one is looking, you have to stick it in any old space.
The awkward moment when you think your fart will be silent, and it comes out and sounds like a thunder storm!
Fire bell gose of in school.
Year 7: OMG WE ARE GONNA DIE
Year 8: I cant leave my bag behind!
Year 9: Is it a real fire?! XD
Year 10: meh.. proberlly a drill
Year 11: I started it :D
Me: Your party was amazing last night
Friend: How can you remember... you were drunk most of the night...
Me: I wasn't that drunk...
Friend: Dude, you were stood in my fireplace yelling "Diagon Alley..."
3 girls step on a magic rug that makes u dissapear if u tell a lie.
Brunette: I think I'm the prettiest girl in school.
*poof*
Red-head: I think I'm the most popular girl in school.
*poof*
Blonde: I think-.
*poof*
A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decides to test it at dinner. DAD: Son, where were you today during school hours? SON: At school*Robot slaps Son* SON: OK,I went to the movies. DAD: Which one? SON: Toy Story*Robot slaps son again* SON: OK, it was paranormal 3. DAD: WHAT? When I was your age I wasnt even aloud to see scary movies until i was 18!*Robot slaps Dad* MOM: HAHA! After all he's your son.*Robot slaps mom*
What shall I wear, no, no, no, nope, no, no, urm I wore that yesterday... Oh well nobody saw me yesterday so I'll just wear it again today...
Fire bell gose of in school.
Year 7: OMG WE ARE GONNA DIE
Year 8: I cant leave my bag behind!
Year 9: Is it a real fire?! XD
Year 10: meh.. proberlly a drill
Year 11: I started it :D
do me a favour?... stay in my life
I don't care how old you are, if a balloon is falling and is about to hit the floor, you make sure you dive for that sh*t!
After hot passionate s*x last night with my girlfriend, she snuggled up next to me and said "You know, You are by far the biggest I've ever had"
Apparently, "Ditto" is no the right response...
If a girl replies 'k', you did something to p*ss her off.
I love it when somebody sees me, screams my name & then runs to hug me :")
*I walk into the classroom with a jacket on*
teacher: take that jacket off NOW!! they are against school rules
me: OMG, I am so sorry! Is anyone hurt? no? ok....I'll just slowly remove this extremely hazardous jacket....off of my torso....and slowly freeze to death.....
me:but miss, why are you wearing a jacket?
teacher: because it's cold an-
me:EVERYONE GET DOWN! SHE'S GOT A JACKET!
*class gets down and screams in fear*
(like this if your school also has retarded rules made by hitler)
I can't believe Google is cocky enough to start guessing after one letter, One Letter!
I dont have the best body,
The prettiest eyes,
The softest, most perfect hair,
Amazing skin,
Big boobs,
or even a picture perfect smile.
But that doesnt mean Im not good enough.
I'm just a typical teenager?
I have a messy room.
I am moody.
I have fallouts/arguments.
I swear.
I moan most of the time.
I spend most of my time on my laptop.
I have private things on my phone.
I go to bed late.
So mum and dad.. deal with it.
You don't realise how blessed you were until you are truly down and out........
.......Only then can you see how good you had it before...