Partying Bevrages Evolution
Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Mocking people in a voice they don't even have.
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
My cousin just sang me this:
Danny + Mariah sitting in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G
First comes love, the comes marriage
Then comes an abrupt, tragic misscarriage
Then comes blame, then comes despair
Two hearts damaged beyond repair
Danny leaves Mariah and takes the tree
D-I-V-O-R-C-E
Oh, how childhood has changed....
Ghetto Word of the Day: Innuendo
"He's climbing innuendo, he's snatching yo people up, so you better hide ya kids, hide ya wife..."
The first ten years of a girls life is spent playing with barbies. The next ten years is spent trying to look like one...
Dear Eminem,
Not only do we have the same name, but we're both black on the inside too.
Sincerely, M&Ms!
I hate boys who think they can get any girl.
I hate when I plan out an entire argument in my head, then other person doesn't stick to the script...
Here is how it goes down in a test:
* Finish the first page of the test as fast as you can *
** Then once the first page is done, turn over as loud as you can so everyone knows that you are ahead of them **
Maximum Respect for the British Armed Forces supporting the RBL
****Things That Make You Go Hmmmmm?****
So, if a tomato is a fruit, does that mean ketchup is a smoothie?
Justin Bieber is gay? He has a girlfriend.
Justin Bieber is a crap singer? Usher and Justin Timberlake were fighting over him.
Justin Bieber is ugly? MILLIONS of girls think he is the hottest guy in the world.
Justin Bieber is weak? He broke his foot ON STAGE and carried on singing!!
Justin Bieber is a girl? Girl's voices cant brake, and Justin's voice has.
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I would never be bored again.
when i get a notification saying my best mate has tagged me in a photo i always think too myself SH*T!!!!
Boy: "Hey baby, want to come over tonite?" Girl: "Sure! What do you want to do?" Boy: "I'll give you a hint. It involves pillows and blankets ;)" Girl: "OH MY GOD! WE'RE GONNA BUILD A FORT!?"
When you're smiling at your phone or computer and your parents ask who you're talking too...
"Mind Your Own Business!"
People can become vampires in 3 easy steps:
1) Spill glue on the floor
2) Throw a bunch of glitter on top (glitter/SPARKLES - its your choice)
3) Roll around in it
Like, if you get it ;)
Like this if you hate it when your just walking around minding your own business and then out of nowhere a ninja comes and takes your marshmallow.
I don't care how busy you are, just text me so I know you're okay... :/
The other night me and my girlfriend had an argument just before bed. She called me childish and said I have to sleep on the couch.
But the jokes on her, because I built a fort out of the cushions on the couch and i hung a "Girls Not Allowed" sign up.
Even in year 13, the boy's in your class are still writing 5318008 into a calculator and turning it upside down to write BOOBIES -_-
The most precious jewels you'll ever have around your neck are the arms of your children♥
All these 'likes' are starting to tell my whole life story
If you tickle me, i'm not responsible for your injuries...
Boy: Will you go out with me?
Girl: Omg, YES!
Girl: Can you please take me home?
Boy: Why, you didn't change your mind, did you?
Girl, No, I just wanna change my relationship status to In a Relationship on Facebook.
Boy: o.O
***********I Hate When This Happens**********
When it's late at night, your really tired, so you decide to go to bed. But when you finally get into bed and your body's like... Just Kidding, I'm wide awake really.
Spongebob: "What do you usually do when I'm gone?" Patrick: "Wait for you to come back."