We use "lol" when...
Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Best ever game as a child: make sure the balloon does not touch the floor
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
Dear Spongebob,
You are yellow, you study karate and you can't drive. So I have come to the conclusion that you must be Asian.
Sincerely
Patrick.
New Word of The Day: iTwat
The definition of a person with and iPhone, iPad, and even an iPod!
Saying 'OOWWWWW' Just before you think it's going to hurt, then feel stupid because it doesn't. :P
Dear Public Toilets,
Toilet paper holders should turn loosely. Nobody wants to wipe their a$$ with a bunch of confetti.
Sincerely,
I hate getting it on my hands.
Running for the laptop charger like its the end of the world!
Interrupt me while i'm listening to music just to ask me for directions? Just for that i'm sending you in the wrong direction...
They think the world's gonna end in 2012, but they can barely predict the weather for tomorrow.
Dear Spongebob,
You live in the bottom of a bikini, Your boss is Mr Krabs and you're absorbent.
So we have come to the conclusion that you must be a tampon.
Sincerely,
Squidward.
Protect her, fight for her, kiss her, love her, hold her, laugh with her. But don't make her fall, if you don't plan to catch her.
When I'm home without my parents and someone comes to the door, I act all sneaky and roll under the windows and creep around corners to get to the perfect place to see who's there...
There's a new Facebook group called "All boys should take a compulsory GCSE in 'How to treat a female."
Lesson 1: the backhander...
Just had a massive fight with my alarm clock. It kept going off trying to wake me up, but I wanted to sleep longer. So I grabbed my clock and threw it against the wall. Now my alarm clock is broken and I'm wide awake, not sure who won...
I hate it when i see a fat chick drinking diet pepsi, then think they can eat anything, cause they saved like 200 calories.
Daughter: Goodnight dad love you.
Dad: Love you to.
Son: Goodnight dad love you.
Dad: Son before you go to bed can i ask u you somthing.
Son: What.
Dad: Are you fu*king gay.
You remind me of a penny, because you're two faced and worthless :)
You that in your group of friends there is always one gay one. I don't know who it is in my group but I hope it is John because he is really cute
**********When I Was Younger*************
When I was younger, I used to pour my pop into the lid of my drink bottle and pretend to take a shot.
You may have died, but I love and remember you - R.I.P
I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything (:♥
Boy: Damn I'm so s*xy. (**Looking in Mirror**)
Dad: Son, what are you doing?
Boy: Dad how does it feel to have such a wonderful and good looking son?
Dad: I don't know to be honest, you should ask your Grandfather...
*somebodys' photo*
person 1 - OMGF! this is stunninnn xxxxxx your stunninn babeyyyy xxxxx x
person 2 - im ugly babbbeee xxxxx yhorr the stunna xxxxxx
person 1 - NO BABY YHOO ARE! luffff this photo, xxxx it's gorjjj xxxx
person 2 - it's not gorjjj, it's total ugly bby xxxxxxxxxxx
person 3 - shut up, your both fhkn ugly.
Lady Gaga taught me Its okay to be different.
Ke$ha taught me to be myself and not care what anyone else thinks.
Bruno Mars taught me to do anything for that one person I love.
Eminem taught me that life is hard but you can make it through.
Taylor Swift taught me not every guy/girl is going to treat me right.
Michael Jackson taught me to always love the people around me.
Bob Marley taught me to live my life in peace.
Music taught me how to live.
They say men think with their pen*s......
Well women don't have a pen*s....
Coincidence?
The only thing woman clean out is a mans bank account.
whereas the only thing men clean out is their internet history.
Dear MTV,
I'm going to start my own TV network called Reality TV (RTV) and play nothing but music videos.
Sincerely
Why did you change...