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''Hey,want some updog?'' Person: ''What is that?'' You: ''What is what?'' Person: ''Updog?'' You: ''What about it?'' Person: ''What is it?'' You: ''What is what?'' Person: ''WHAT IS UPDOG?!'' You: ''Not much'' Likee if you get it (;
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Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Edward: "I could kill you in seconds. So shutup."
Jacob: "What are you gonna do exactly? Sparkle me to death?!"
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
The awkward moment when you realise you are walking in the wrong direction, so you hit your pockets pretending like you forgot something and then turn and go back the other way.
boy asks his mum "is it wrong to have a willy" she says no, why do you ask? boy replies, COZ DADS IN THE BATHROOM SWEATING LIKE MAD TRYING 2 PULL HIS OFF....
You miss the days when you could safely push someone into a pool, now you gotta worry about the iPod, the cellphone, maybe a PSP, you push someone in, it costs you $939.
to the person who made this
..../""""""""""""======░▒▓▓▓▓▓▓▓█D Justin Beiber
well done, well done
the meaning of x's
xx= close friends
xxx= i like you
xxxx= your cute
xxxxx= your hot
xxxxxx= i want you
xxxxxxx+ = i love you
no kisses = i hate you and i dont like your existance.
My girlfriend just text me saying "I want you to get me wet when I get home..." So i'm ready and waiting with 15 water balloons...... I can't wait.....
That awkward moment when you are on a bouncy castle and you fall down and the other b*tches on there wont stop jumping so you can't get back up...
If you stalk the files on my computer most of them will have names like 'hujkdsugyhj' because I'm too lazy to type a real name for the documents.
An english professor wrote the words: ''A woman without her man is nothing'' on the chalkboard. He asked his students to punctuate it correctly.
All of the males in the class wrote: ''A woman, without her man, is nothing.''
All the females in the class wrote: ''A woman: without her, man is nothing.''
**** Things that make you go hmmmm? ****
If twin females marry twin males and each couple have a child, will both children look alike?
If a Police Officer says "Anything you say will be taken down & used as evidence..."
Your answer should always be "Please don't hit me again officer..."
If he can't handle you in sweat pants, then he doesn't deserve you with a wedding dress on - Drake
Facebook. I like to use my enter button to start a new line in my post. I like having the click to comment feature. nice to know you are still finding more ways to tamper with unnecessary shit rather than give us what we actually want: A dislike button.
A man and his son were talking about s*x.
The son asked his father, "dad, what does a p*ssy look like?"
The dad asked him, "before or after s*x?"
"Ummmm, before s*x", the kid replied.
The dad said, "have you ever seen a beautiful red rose with soft red petals?"
"Yeah" said the son.
"Well, what about after s*x?" said the son.
His dad replied, "have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise"!!!
Time spent → in the shower;
25% -- Daydreaming.
25% -- Building up courage to turn off water and step into cold air.
20% -- Turing in a circle to maintain even hot water distribution.
10% -- Catching water in your mouth and spitting it out.
10% -- Contemplating the hardest decisions of life.
7% -- Washing hair.
3% -- Washing other body parts.
Now and then, I announce "I know you're listening" when im in a room by myself. If im wrong, then nobody knows that I was speaking to my self, And if I'm right, I just freaked out some secret organisation.
Some people might not like me,
Some people will hate me,
but I don't care,
I am who I am and I don't give a f*ck what anyone else thinks!
friend;; *eating doritos* stupid dorito!
me;; are you talkin to your doritos?
friend;; yeah i name them before i eat them
me;; wow...this is why i love you.
*few minutes of silence*
friend;; *whispers* goodbye bill.
I wish friends were like money; so you could hold them up to the light to find out which ones were real and which ones are fake.
Showers aren't just for cleaning, and some people don't go in just for cleaning.... It's for...
A place thinking about life...
A place when your depressed...
A place to sing without getting embarrassed...
A place for alone time...
A place to get warmth...
Showers are amazing!
I have feelings too. I am still human. All I want is to be loved, for myself and for my talent. - Marilyn Monroe
Hi, can I help you?" "No, I just waited in line for 15 minutes to say Hi."
Finding money in your pocket you didn't know you had.
Being drunk, is Not and Never will be an excuse for cheating
*DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!*......Ok, I will go to my friends house and try it
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