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''Hey,want some updog?'' Person: ''What is that?'' You: ''What is what?'' Person: ''Updog?'' You: ''What about it?'' Person: ''What is it?'' You: ''What is what?'' Person: ''WHAT IS UPDOG?!'' You: ''Not much'' Likee if you get it (;
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Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Damn! LOL - Your #1 source for daily funny pics!
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
The awkwardness when you still cant understand someone after they've repeated themselves about 4 times..
**** Dirty Mind Test #54 ****
It reads "My Pen Is In Your Mouth".........
What Was You Thinking?
*at a restaurant*
person 1: this food is sh*t!
person 2: send it back then?
*waiter comes over*
is everything alright with your food:)?
person 1: yes thank you its lovely:).
person 2: wtf?..
Husband always insisted on making love in the dark.
After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator.
She goes balistic, "You impotent bas*ard! How could you lie to me all these years?"
Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, "I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids....."
Listen very carefully, this is a very important question................................................
Do you know..... The Muffin man?
if youve ever layed down with your phone above your head and for that split second you forget about it and it drops on your face..
I was just watching Spongebob, is it a coincidence that Krusty Krab is located in Bikini Bottom? Or am i looking into this too hard? Hmmm...
A Horny husband was helping his wife setup a password for her computer. he typed in 'My P*nis' and pressed enter and his wife burst out laughing when the computer returned an error message saying 'Its not long enough'
When I die, I give my friends permission to change my status to "is chillin with Jesus".
Now, I'm no Gynecologist, but I know a C*nt when I see one
Mum notices her sons bed has been made without her asking..Mum finds note on boys bed:
Mum im sorry, i have left home. I know im only 15 but my girlfriend is pregante and im going to live with her, you were never supportive and that really hurts me. dont bother looking for me, u wont find me. im sorry it has to be like this, but i dont see any other way.
P.S: MUM IM JOKING, I WAGGED SCHOOL TODAY AND I GOT BUSTED. IM AT AIDIANS. CALL ME WHEN U HAVE CALMED DOWN. xx
I'm already rushing.
calling me down 20 more times won't give me superspeed....
It's only putting me in a worse mood.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?......................
How can you breath through something so small?
Lazy Rule #1: Get your Facebook statuses from like sites, mobile phone apps, lyrics and anything else random that you come across...
Yes, my status is aimed at you. Bastard.
friend;; *eating doritos* stupid dorito!
me;; are you talkin to your doritos?
friend;; yeah i name them before i eat them
me;; wow...this is why i love you.
*few minutes of silence*
friend;; *whispers* goodbye bill.
Math is the only place where I hear someone doing ridiculous things. For Example "John has 30 chocolate barsm he eats 23, what does he have now?"
Money is made of paper, paper is made of wood, and wood is made from trees. Therefore, money does grow on trees. 1 point for us 0 points for people who say money don't grow on trees(:
Roses are red and ready for plucking
She's sixteen and ready for...
High school. How did you THINK it would end? ;)
There comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but he must take it because his conscience tells him it is right.
- Martin Luther
I wish you could delete someone out of your life like u can on Faceboook
When your in class and the teacher says "Ok, can I collect everyone's homework..."
So you look in your bag, even though you know that you didn't do it...
Don't gain the world and lose your soul..
Wisdom is better than silver or gold..
Wow. You guys are so cool for taking a profile picture. Of yourself. In a mirror. In your bathroom. With a toilet as your background. Nice. XD
*DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!*......Ok, I will go to my friends house and try it
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